sooooooo sometime between 9 pm and 8:30 am my car was broken into. my phone was stolen. and so was my case of cds. all my cds. im pretty sure who it was and when it happened considering that there was a group of shady kids i conveniently recognized that were getting high in the car next to us when danielle and i got back from our walk at the park. today a couple brought my phone back saying they found itby the side of the road. when i looked at it there was a picture of boobs as my background and "get high" was the name banner. cute. all my texts and pictures were deleted. again. cute. i wonder how many people in foreign countries they called? the calls were probably deleted so i dont know. if you stole my phone and cds and your reading this, i just want you to know...i will hunt you down.

lovingly,

ashley dawn mceachern

so contrary to the last few posts things havent been quite as emo.  and everything got resolved. however i messed up. BIG TIME. but she forgave me. i still feel pretty shitty but i am going to make this work. i am so happy with her despite the random fights. and the fact that we can resolve them in 24 hours of less is good. we've been playing old school nintendo. the original. going for walks. we took my nephews to the pool yesterday and now i look like a tomato. seriously. then we went on a picnic. today we took a nice nap together. she makes me laugh so hard and i make her come out of her shell. shes my best friend. i have other very good friends but we dont really hang out or are as open about things as she and i are. but thats how it should be in a long term relationship i suppose. anyway i was going to get on and get off but it appears i wrote a novel. i will leave with this.

                                                                 ENGAGED

so last night i was taking a bath to calm down. because I LOVE baths. and i started thinking about things.

im going to end up a lonely old lady. without cats. (because im allergic). thats EXTRA lonely. im not someone other people look for. seriously. i dont have the looks, wit, charm, sex appeal. none of that. and what i look for i cant find. i end up with losers. people i think are right..but then change.

all i want is a best friend and a lover combined. someone who doesnt lie. or cheat. or put me down. or hurt me. i just want to laugh, be care free, have a good time, and have someone to share it with. im not looking for my soulmate or anything, if i find that person then great. but if not thats fine. im young and i just want to be happy. and be able to make someone else happy too.

...hopefully people are different in college than in high school.

1 more day!

you know what i despise? more than anything? ever?!

LIARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do not ever fucking lie to me. like that. after what ive done? for you? after what i have put myself through? for YOU?

BIG MISTAKE

you know what i also cant stand?

cheating.

take me. or someone else. dont fuck around with my emotions. i am loyal. i believe in a little thing thats called..FIDELITY.

dont you dare fuck with it. just dont.

you are not allowed to make me cry anymore. you are not allowed to say things you obviously dont mean. promises you dont plan on keeping. futures you want...with 50 other people as well.

you dont get to compare your mistakes to mine. make me feel like shit. apologize because i was the one that messed up. i didnt. you did.

fuck off.

wow zanga. i forgot u existed. im sorry u suck so bad.

in other news...this weekend was interesting. to say the least. spent the night with 4 pple i didnt know, my midget friend, and my girlfriend. the next morning. woke up to a boy in the room who was pushing resin...eww. and wanted to touch my skin. he was nice tho. he gave me lots of hugs..: s then i had to go to concordia with danielle to try to find the morning after pill (since im 18 and can do that) for my midget friend. couldnt find it. sux for her. it was quite embarassing going into the hospital, the drug store, the pharmacy, and the family planning place asking for a pill that one takes after one has 1. unprotected 2. sex 3. with a male..especially since i dont fit that criteria. I am a good friend. I am never going to do that again tho. so jessica u better not have 1. unprotected 2. sex 3. with a male. coz the only way i would attempt to help would be to push you down the stairs... : )

later i ate with nelly and we had a fun time laughing at pple and events and doing things that normal couples do, like be outside...around other pple. it was fun. i liked it. finally had to go home. so packed my shit from the booze, pot, and sex infested home and left. it was hard. i wanted to stay. not for the booze, pot, or sex. for the person I always have to leave. crying.

o btw. my midget friend was not jessica. just realized some pple might think that. but no. : )